In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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