garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
