You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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