So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
