There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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