I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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