i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
