This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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