Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
