I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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