And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
