I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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