dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
