In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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