i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
