I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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