Can Purell be used as lube?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
