Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
