Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
