Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
whose parrot is this?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
