now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
