you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
