I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
