I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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