I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
