I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
