Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
