i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
