I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
