I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
