phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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