I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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