Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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