I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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