Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
