yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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