and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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