I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
