Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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