WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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