Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
