I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The air taste purple.
Randomize
