My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
