If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
cat food counts as protein by the way
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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