At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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