How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A+ Viking dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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