"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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