he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
