You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
