Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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