"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
