Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
