my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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