On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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