all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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